Have you Ever Been Controlled to the Extreme by Laziness?

First of all hello, and apologies that I haven’t posted in a while (O∆O).


I wanted to make this post for a few days now, because I (think) am getting my life back in control. I don’t know if this has happened to anyone else – which it probably has, but I’ve been suffering from never being able to convince myself to go out and get things done. Now I know this sounds REALLY common but hear me out.

I think it’s laziness, BUT on an extreme level. I kinda need to know if other people have had the issue where you cannot convince yourself to get up in the morning. Now I go to college, and for the past 6-7 months I am/was almost ALWAYS late to class in the morning (like 30 minutes or so) because I missed the bus because I didn’t get up. Now this is currently still happening, but it used to be every. day. Procrastination plays a huge part in my life to the point where it controls almost every aspect of my life excluding things that I enjoy and are not important.

In short, if you have this you are unmotivated, procrastinator (on very important things like bank appointments, deadlines, you name it) and as a result, unproductive, and ending in you feeling very let down by yourself. And to complete the circle, because of your poor motivation and productivity, you are even less likely to do better. This is very serious, I leave such important things until the night before, and I get the full impact of the consequences. But you know the funniest thing? I NEVER LEARN. Repeat after repeat after repeat of events, all with the same ending.

It has gotten so bad, that for the last few months I couldn’t get out of the house other than for college. In this area, I feel like I have absolutely no control. You can tell me that ‘Oh just get out and do it’ but it won’t change anything, I promise you, something is holding me down and I can’t get up.. Something is wrong. I feel so left out and helpless. It’s like I’m watching the world go by in front of my nose, people getting things done, doing well, achieving, and I can do no more than just watch, watch from my little box with a padlock on it that won’t open for no-one. And it saddens me. Time is very rapidly speeding and all I’m doing is seeing it fly by. What happened to me? How do I fix something that I don’t understand? I feel alone.

Yes you can well-call it laziness, but this is something that stretches far beyond it. I have no idea what happened for it to get this bad. Please don’t get me wrong, I want to be productive but something that is beyond my control is stopping me, and it’s not a case of ”Ah, I don’t feel like it” anymore, it’s a case of ”But I don’t think I can” – and this is the part that worries me.

I honestly cannot imagine how stupid I’m sounding in the above, but this is the hard cold fact. Something is wrong, something is stopping me, I just don’t know what. I have BIIIG plans for the upcoming future, but after being in the state I’m in now, I don’t know how that’s going to work. I’m worried.


Forgotten | A Poem


Autumn leaves they fall
They let go and they’re free
Winter comes
The first snow joins
You’ve forgotten about me

I remember not your voice
My thoughts of you they flee
All what for
You closed the door
You’ve forgotten about me

You’re the captain of my dreams
Where else would you be
I wish on hope
You’ve learned to cope
You’ve forgotten about me

And when I’m drowned down under
Deep under the sea
I’ll shut my eyes
My whisper cries
You’ve forgotten about me

What Would You Like to See? (Ideas for My Blog)

3d white people lying on a question mark

Hello! c: it’s meee, I was wondering if- lawl

Umm yeah, I haven’t posted in like, 2 months which is a while >__>. Pretty much I didn’t post because I felt like nobody was reading (taken from my previous post). I’m not trying to complain or anything I just wasn’t in the right mindset 🙂 I know that in order to gain followers and comments I need to post more and patience is needed. Ah well.

In my very first blog entry I mentioned I will post general relatable stuff, opinions, tutorials and personal stuff, but what I’d be more interested in is what would you like to see here on my site? After all I’m here to entertain so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

What I plan to do is post some of the above things (my ones what I just said) and your suggestions.

So I’m happy to take on board your ideas on what kind of things I should post, you are more than welcome to comment! (you are always welcome to comment btw if I didn’t already get that point across lol).

Thanks for reading ( ´ ▽ ` )ノ


My Awkward Phobias

phobiaHeya, 😉

I never now what to say in the first few lines so I’ll just get started lol.

So phobias! There are so many types and names of phobias as you know. Names of all phobias here So phobias are pretty common and extremely annoying to people who have it, especially if you have an outrageously weird phobia that makes others be like “wtf”.

Here’s a handful of phobias that I have/had, *Btw I get weirder and weirder as you descend deeper into my blog ha, just so you’re prepared.

                                              Guitar Phobia

Now I know this isn’t part of the big ass list of phobias but it’s one that I used to have. Here, let me explain:

So basically up until about age 14 I was creeped out by guitars. All guitars, acoustic, electric, even ukuleles (or anything guitar shaped really). I find it really weird, and have only basic ideas of where it comes from. I guess (now this is only an idea) but it could have come from this time when my uncle was depressed and he always played his guitar and I may have associated guitars with an uneasy feeling. Until this day I don’t know, I mean fear of a musical instrument? Really?

                                           Drain/hole Phobia

This is probably more understandable and reasonable.

This, this I know exactly where it came from hah. I must have been around 2 or 3 years old and just started toilet training. My little ass was sitting on the edge of the seat holding mommy’s hand when I suddenly lost balance, and yep, I fell into the toilet bowl. I SCREAMED for my life and was probably mentally scarred after lol. Why is this relevant? Because ever since then, I’m terrified of drains and holes bigger than 2cm. It used to really interfere with my day-to-day life to the point where I wasn’t able to pull the plug after a bath. Although it eased a bit over the last few years, I can now even TOUCH drains ha.


If you can, resist the curiosity, looking it up on Google, it’s pretty gross.

Similar to fear of holes, this phobia isn’t known very well in real life, but on the internet it’s more popular. Info on trypophobia here It’s very common, disturbing, disgusting and somehow interesting. As my drain/hole phobia eased, so did my Trypophobia. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Funny how the mind works huh?


Extremely common, like about 8/10 people have it I’m sure (just a guess), not rare at all! Spiders are most people’s big fear and me included. From Daddy-long-legs to Tarantulas, all too scary. *Insert too spooky for me image*

But yeah, do you have any strange phobias or awkward fears? I’d love to hear about it! Let me know in the comments. Thanks for reading 🙂 baiii!




A Little Intro to my Blog



Hi hoomans!

Welcome to my blog/site whatever you may call it ^-^. My name is Leila and I will be the person writing my blogs here 🙂

So I guess I’ll introduce myself a little,

I’m Leila, (18), Ireland, originally from Hungary and an only child (aall by myseeeelf). 5 foot 10, medium length honey brown hair and hazel eyes (colours including grey, green, blue, orange and light brown). Hobbies include painting, writing and playing music. Attending the very last year of secondary/high school (save me from this hell). I’m a friendly person who loves making new friends (even though I only have one friend in my entire life at the moment lol) but I do think I treat friends very well. Pretty much if you’re nice to me, I’m nice to you, simple as that ;3. I’ve got a good sense of humour, and specialize in sexual and toilet humour.

Okay enough about me, let’s see what I’ll be posting:

                   Things I’ll be posting

  • General relatable stuff (things that annoy me and you probs)
  • Opinions (can also be relatable)
  • Tutorials (art/drawing mainly)
  • Other (personal stuff and experiences)

Congrats! You’ve reached the end of this post 🙂 you bared with me x) I really hope you enjoyed this and hopefully enjoy the rest of my posts in future.

Thanks for reading, bye! 😀